Missing Caprisha
Commentary//Video, Naurkeath Jones,
Dec 10, 2009
Editor’s Note: In this essay, a young woman explores how a strong friendship -- and an insurmountable tragedy – helped her gain faith in herself. Naurkeath Jones was a participant in the Changing The Odds/YO! Youth Outlook summer program.
I have my own definition of a friend. It’s someone who is loyal, trustworthy, and a family member has to approve of that person. It’s someone who has your back through thick and thin, and that’s what I found in Caprisha Green in 1995.
For me, she was the world and more. Just being in her presence made my life seem a little better. Before I met her everything was going badly. I was in and out of juvenile hall, cutting school and selling drugs. But it was a turning point in my life when Caprisha and I became friends. There was nothing but positive energy flowing around us.
When I was younger my younger sister and I didn’t stay with our mom, who lived in Potrero Hill. She was only 15 years old when she had my sister, and 17 when she had me. My father was only 19, so they weren’t ready to raise us. They sent us to my grandma’s house, on Third Street in Hunters Point, where my auntie and my uncles stayed.
Growing up in this environment was hard cause you got to be that hard ass in order to be respected. Because if you did’t fit in then you’d be that girl on the block that no one has respect for.
I got my first case – assault with a deadly weapon – when I was 14 years old. It was because a girl who stayed in my hood said she would take the shoes off my feet just to see if I had the courage to do something about it. It was dumb, but the pride that I thought that I could control almost took over me.
I took the first punch and we started fighting, as days went by I got to know them. When we saw each other we said “What’s up in had brief discussions about our day but never became friends with them at all. But you know what they say, keep you enemies closer I got what I wanted which was respect, which made my place in the hood.
When I met a group called T.H.G. (The Hill Girls). We started hanging out but I wasn’t really in their group. I was just a young girl who wasn’t scared of anything or anyone. This is when my life really started to change. I was running away from home, cutting school, talking back to my parents, fighting every other day – that lead me to people in badges and juvenile hall. I was in and out of juvie three more times.
I was sent to a group home called Walden House. I had to stay there for three months. It was a good experience for me as far as me staying sober and focusing on me and having a positive life. When I left from there on July 27,, 2006, I was doing good by going to school, listening to my parents and staying out of trouble.
Not surprisingly, it didn’t last long.
I realized that doing all those good things wasn’t putting any money in my pockets. So I started to sell drugs such as weed and dope anywhere that I could get money. I hustled in schools, parks and different neighborhoods for about six months.
Then I got caught and locked back up again for six months. I have to say, I was one of the best dope dealer around. I sold cream – it’s crack, but better because it was soft. I sold drugs by myself – not in a crew or anything. I was only 16 years old, but because I had the mentality of hard work – I was making $500 a day. My mom didn’t trip because she never found out. She was too busy getting drunk to worry about me.
Two weeks after I was released for my drug charge, I met a girl name Caprisha Green. I had actually met her when I was six years old. My mom used to go to her house when I was little, but me and Caprisha lost contact when I moved in with my Grandma when I was eight. When we met again, we bonded like we had never split up in the first place. We hung out everyday we went to the clubs the movies anywhere you could think of we even went to Reno any time we were free.
I really admired her because she was smart and together. Even though she had her daughter Aniya when she was 16, she took care of her responsibilities. Caprisha made me really believe that I could turn my life around. We would get together and go look for jobs. She taught me that there is a better way to life than getting in trouble with the law.
One night – Sept. 10 2008 – Caprisha and me were hanging out. We were super happy because we had an interview at Jamba Juice in Westlake. We stayed outside all night and got high and drunk on the side of our buildings.
There were about fifteen people outside that day on one side of the street. We were having a good time. It started getting cold, and was around like 9:30. I toldCaprisha I would be right back that I was just going to get my coat. She said: “Okay, I’m gonna be right here.”
Then I went into the house, which was in the same building.
Ten minutes later, I heard six-gun shots. When I heard them I ran outside and saw Caprisha lying on the ground. I ran back outside and I saw my best friend on the ground looking at me in the face, not saying a word. There was blood leaking from her head, her mother was saying to Caprisha, “Stay with me stay with me.”
All that ran though my mind was, “Why did I leave her?” I kept telling myself I should’ve stayed, and felt terrible.
She wanted to close her eyes, but I kept telling her to stay with me. An ambulance came and put her on the stretcher. I thought she was going to be okay, until I saw her right hand drop. I knew she gave up. I did not go to the hospital cause I couldn’t see her like that thinks was starting to go to fast.
As the days went by, we found out who her murderer was and we wanted our revenge. Caprisha was killed because a boy was shooting at a person who was in the crowd she was standing in. It made me think about when I was younger, all the mistakes I had made, and how Caprisha was helping me turn my life around.
Ultimately, I couldn’t bring myself to get revenge because I was very close to the boy who committed the crime. I still hold anger inside, but I knowCaprisha would want me to live my life and never give up hope, and that’s why I strive for positive things in life.
My life changed drastically after Caprisha’s death. But this time, it was for the better. I went to school everyday and got my grades up. I graduated from the School of the Arts high school with a 3.24 grade point average. Soon after, I got a job working at the airport as a flight checker, who’s the person that makes sure all gourmet food is properly placed on airplanes. It was a great job, and I knew Caprisha would have been proud.
I’m still in contact with Caprisha’s family. We talk whenever we see each other. Her little sister and brother are doing well. They are in middle school now. Her daughter just turned three years old.
As you get older you start to understand that your community don’t make you. You make your community by the choices that you make in life. The violence in the projects brought a lot of families together because people opened their eyes and realized that family is all you’ve got in these streets.
The reason for most of the violence is revenge. Police officers seems to avoid certain situations by saying they don’t have enough evidence which, causes people to go out and get their own justice. People kill or fight to get their respect. I hate it ‘cause people fought and struggled for us to be where we’re are at, but today we are fighting and killing each other.
To me that ain’t cool at all.
Caprisha’s death put me on a positive road. As long as I keep her memory by my side, I know I will be alright. It’s like she always said, “Don’t expect a person to believe in you if you can’t believe in yourself.”
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